How to scare a lesbian.

Me: *hiccups*
Wifey: "Do I have to scare them out of you?"
Me: "Meh, they'll pass."
Wifey: *dramatically* "Commitment!"
Me: "No, that's for gay men, not lesbians."
Wifey: "Oh."
Wifey: "U-Haul are out of trucks!!!"
*A short while later*
Me: "Damn it, that worked."

On surgery

I have a plan to have breast augmentation next year.

This is the surgery I wanted to have consistently from before the first time I saw a therapist in my teens, and for nearly 30 years have been trying to make it happen but faced endless barriers - denial of the surgery letter that was required by the surgeons through the mid-2010s, threats by endocrinologists to end my HRT prescriptions for having it, and a spouse who actively engaged in financial sabotage of my plans. The entire time they used that I had fears about SRS and, later, regret for having it as part of some supposed argument that a boob job would be even worse for me - that somehow my response to being coerced into surgery I didn't want meant anything about how I would handle surgery I did want.