More thoughts...

[agent_dani]

Two things I realize I need to deal with:

1: The excessive discomfort around men. I realize this really isn't doing anything to help me, that the perception of threat/danger is very much overstated due to what my experiences (with boys and men I was around, from my classmates to those who are immediate relatives) presented to me. Now the question is, how to even take the first step on this one? Perhaps I just need time to pass while living my life...don't know; I have no other ideas.

2: Sex - what I can best describe as difficulties with respect to arousal. While I am finding I like my body very much more today there are some very specific things I very much do not; areas I'm able to now see clearly because of the rest of transition being behind me. It's something I've felt for a while but the entire matter really formed into coherent thoughts only recently, in part because of something I recently read.

Less vague, it's damned hard to be able to enjoy sex when it inherently involves arousal focused on parts of your body that you're trying like hell to ignore. If I were to say there was a negative I've found in transition it's this. *blegh*

I used to be unsure about GCS and thought that I could be happy non-op. I'm thinking that less so now.

ETA: LJ readers: this was originally posted two days ago but the crosspost failed at that time.

Comments

[cmcmck]

It is individual for sure although finances are a huge issue. I could have had help from the NHS here even back then although a favourite Great Uncle died and left me a bit of cash. We were not wealthy (woking class background is where I originate) but he ran a pub and that was wealthy in our book!

I often wonder what he'd have though of what I spent it on! :o)

I still yearn for the one thing I can never have- children and I know a lot of trans people find this odd, but it's a commonplace among early transitioners for some reason :o(

[agent_dani]

heee! There was no such largesse to be had in my family, and I think that will remain the case. The only possibility is my parents as the rest of the family doesn't think much of me (they truly known nothing of me; that well was poisoned by my father in my youth.)

You have my sympathies. I don't find it odd at all; you want them and a choice of having them isn't and wasn't available to you, and an association with trans people is unsurprising to me since other combinations with transition, e.g. ambivalence or active desire to not have children, aren't so affected.

I was an "early articulator", as it's called in the Childfree areas, knowing at a young age that I wanted to never be a parent - not just not have children of my own but to not parent children. I knew I'd be a bad fit and grew ever so frustrated with those who tried to convince me I'd be such a good parent.