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agent_daniI'm going to begin by saying that I understand the many phrases about things not being a race. I also understand, though I am gradually coming to loathe, the ones about it "happening at my pace" or "when I'm ready." While I appreciate (and believe) the intended point, they can easily be misapplied, usually innocently. The problem I have with those two phrases is that the delays have been in spite of my desired pace and when I was ready.
I need to make a distinction at this point about the nature of delays. There is a delay I do not count here; a delay of about three months for my wife to be comfortable with me starting HRT (specifically, being referred.) I consider that to be a very different class of delay; one I made the choice to have. Also, while the option of a non-prescription route was available to me, I did not choose it for a particular reason (it would have meant the end of my relationship.)
Finally, one note about time: the numbers, particularly for months, don't exactly add up due to rounding.
I patiently went through several therapy sessions while waiting out the "required"* waiting period before referral for HRT, then waited the four months from when I finally had the go-ahead from my therapist until the first available appointment in May of 2009 I was ready for HRT then. I was sitting in my endo's office at that point, and while I could accept that I had a part in a communication failure that might have caused the first three months of delay, the remaining ten were in spite of me directly asking for HRT - thirteen months from when I first sat in her office until she would prescribe me an HRT that even began to be effective.**
The point at which I had access to effective HRT was 22 months (19, subtracting the previously stated three) after I began taking the steps to transition. I finally had an anti-androgen along with the Estradiol patches.
What happened to me during the first week of that combined HRT remains the single most profound, amazing change I have had, and practically none of it was physical. It was the most important forward step for me and those effects remain with me today. It ended a large amount of suffering, including suffering that I hadn't even realized I had as it had become ever-present. My therapist tells of another client's description of the effect in terms of Crayola crayons - it being like going from the eight color box to the 64. My imagery is a bit different, but the point definitely remains. I truly had no idea that it was possible, let alone that I could, feel and experience such things, and with that sort of clarity.
And for more than a year, during which I was saying, "I am ready for and want this," my medical professionals forced me to wait. I find it tempting to ascribe motives but, for this time, I won't. It doesn't matter why, what matters was that I was made to continue to suffer for no good reason. I will also note that it is yet a low dose for that is usually given (AA is average but E is 63% of the usual for this type) and, due to recent, proper blood tests, there is no reason to believe a higher dose would be dangerous for me but my endo remains resistant to that.
* It's a guideline that is designed to be flexible but some see it as a rigid requirement instead. Further, I later learned that had I been self-medicating for HRT she would have referred me immediately.
** My endo did begin to prescribe HRT at a level that is affective for some people (and one friend has had her HRT needs completely met by the same level dose as my initial,) however, until July of 2010 I did not have a prescription for HRT that was at all effective for me.
I need to make a distinction at this point about the nature of delays. There is a delay I do not count here; a delay of about three months for my wife to be comfortable with me starting HRT (specifically, being referred.) I consider that to be a very different class of delay; one I made the choice to have. Also, while the option of a non-prescription route was available to me, I did not choose it for a particular reason (it would have meant the end of my relationship.)
Finally, one note about time: the numbers, particularly for months, don't exactly add up due to rounding.
I patiently went through several therapy sessions while waiting out the "required"* waiting period before referral for HRT, then waited the four months from when I finally had the go-ahead from my therapist until the first available appointment in May of 2009 I was ready for HRT then. I was sitting in my endo's office at that point, and while I could accept that I had a part in a communication failure that might have caused the first three months of delay, the remaining ten were in spite of me directly asking for HRT - thirteen months from when I first sat in her office until she would prescribe me an HRT that even began to be effective.**
The point at which I had access to effective HRT was 22 months (19, subtracting the previously stated three) after I began taking the steps to transition. I finally had an anti-androgen along with the Estradiol patches.
What happened to me during the first week of that combined HRT remains the single most profound, amazing change I have had, and practically none of it was physical. It was the most important forward step for me and those effects remain with me today. It ended a large amount of suffering, including suffering that I hadn't even realized I had as it had become ever-present. My therapist tells of another client's description of the effect in terms of Crayola crayons - it being like going from the eight color box to the 64. My imagery is a bit different, but the point definitely remains. I truly had no idea that it was possible, let alone that I could, feel and experience such things, and with that sort of clarity.
And for more than a year, during which I was saying, "I am ready for and want this," my medical professionals forced me to wait. I find it tempting to ascribe motives but, for this time, I won't. It doesn't matter why, what matters was that I was made to continue to suffer for no good reason. I will also note that it is yet a low dose for that is usually given (AA is average but E is 63% of the usual for this type) and, due to recent, proper blood tests, there is no reason to believe a higher dose would be dangerous for me but my endo remains resistant to that.
* It's a guideline that is designed to be flexible but some see it as a rigid requirement instead. Further, I later learned that had I been self-medicating for HRT she would have referred me immediately.
** My endo did begin to prescribe HRT at a level that is affective for some people (and one friend has had her HRT needs completely met by the same level dose as my initial,) however, until July of 2010 I did not have a prescription for HRT that was at all effective for me.
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no subject
Date: 2011-03-25 05:19 am (UTC)So I do agree that starting you off that low was a warning sign, one which quickly morphed into a veritable forest of red flags. I'm glad you're finally getting away from her, and I guess this is a confirmation to trust your gut next time.
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Date: 2011-03-25 03:24 pm (UTC)It wasn't so much "not trusting my gut" as not having any other option that was remotely good. It wasn't until last October (1.5 years after my first appointment with this endo) that I learned of the other endo in the area. The only other option would have been to self-medicate, which
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Date: 2011-03-25 05:08 pm (UTC)