Sometimes, trans-separatism begins to sound like a good idea.

[agent_dani]

Except I know being separate from LGB won't end the LGB appropriation of trans identities and bodies as it is now. Of late it's been fashionable to do so in support of same-sex marriage.

There many things much more important to me than same-sex marriage. I honestly doubt it will ever reach the point that it is enough of a concern for me to devote my energy to supporting as there is such an uphill battle for other matters that are far more important. And no matter how anyone presents it, I consider life-and-death matters to be more important that rights like marriage.

Erin Vaught, Tyra Hunter, and Robert Eads are all examples of life-and-death matters. For two of the people I named it meant their death.

In moments I wonder was I within a foot of being another one month ago? I haven't said anything of this here before: perhaps one foot was the distance between my motorcycle and the rear of a Cadillac in the evening of the Tuesday before US Thanksgiving when the automobile had been traveling in the oncoming lane and made a left turn too close in front of me. I can still vividly recall the image I saw of the quarter panel, fender, and trunk lid while I passed just inches behind. Had the driver stopped or turned a little slower would I have had the misfortune to meet with such medical personnel?

And yet I'm told that I should be willing to have this erased and the problem ignored in support of state-sanctioned marriage for same-sex couples. I'm told that the erasure of trans identities in support of this is an acceptable trade-off. I categorically reject this rationale. I will not ever accept that a person's life is an acceptable trade-off and I won't apologize for that; anyone who has a problem with me putting causes that can have such an effect on and mean such consequences for trans persons ahead of being able to have that paper is welcome to use the door.

I am not saying I consider marriage unimportant, only that it is far less significant. I am married, and I value my spouse greatly. I can say without a doubt that if the choice were being married or not face those problems it would be very easy for me to decide.

The main reason I can't go for separatism, though, is the intersectionality that exists in my life; that I am both trans and lesbian. As a result, matters from both categories affect me, sometimes the same issue simultaneously does in different ways as a result. When I'm asked to accept trans appropriation and erasure it is asking me to accept that part of who I am as insignificant; that it does not matter.

Since the G and L issues are generally well covered (definitely the L less than G) I focus on the trans ones, including fighting the trans appropriation and erasure. Sad that what is popularly conceived as our allies are so often our worst enemies.

I try not to think much about the possibilities of that night a month ago. I try not to think of it much in general. I try to just live my life and not worry about it. But I don't have the privilege to fully forget it or pretend it doesn't exist even thought the privilege I do have (which I'll admit here is far from insignificant) means I am able to avoid many issues.

Comments

[phonemonkey.livejournal.com]

Obvious first comment is obvious: I am extremely glad you are alive, and I want to tell you now how much I love and value you as a friend. Because...well, I always knew that it's one of those things that people should say while they have the opportunity, but I forgot, and only remembered when Vera died.

The focus on marriage to the exclusion of all other LGBT rights issues has been bothering me for a while. A huge amount of finite money and volunteer hours being thrown into something that in many cases is extremely unlikely to happen, while at the same time, people are dying. That isn't right.

[agent_dani]

I have tried to do so as well. The feeling is very much mutual; you are definitely one of my most valued friends.