The last two days.

[agent_dani]

On Monday my brother drove to Raleigh with his family (wife and two children.) He and his wife came over to our house after they had dinner with my parents. It was the first time I'd seen them since I transitioned. My brother clearly accepts me. My SIL not so much. She spoke little but her body language was positively verbose.

Yesterday we went over to my parents' place. In the end, I never spoke to my niece and nephew. They and my SIL pretty much stayed upstairs (it's a cape cod.) We left after dinner as it was simply too painful. Just before we left I told my mother and brother that I wasn't planning to visit again while they were there; that it wasn't that the door was closed - my door (and heart) remain open to them - but that I refused to take the enjoyment of a visit with their grandparents away from my niece and nephew. It was clear they are struggling now and that they were miserable.

I'd be lying if I said I was okay - my heart is broken and I hurt - but I'm taking the actions I am in the hopes that we - my family - can yet heal. I know letting my hurt and anger guide my actions would only ensure that cannot happen.

Comments

[jamieduclavier.livejournal.com]

Is it universal, or is it just the particular things I happen to be seeing? My family, and the member of Anna's family that is not related to her (Her mother's husband) are the ones refusing to just be happy. Her mother and her siblings are fine... Slow to changing but fine, emotionally.

And here you are, fine with your brother, but the sister in law is being a problem...

My heart goes out to you and your wife. I know how badly all of this can hurt for both of you.

[agent_dani]

You and Anna both have my sympathies. *hugs if you desire them*

[joker2.livejournal.com]

And it may be that the kids would have no problem with your identity on their own terms. When they're with others, people (especially kids) tend to go with the flow of the most dominant person they identify with in a given situation. In this case, there was likely "loyalty" (not the word I'm trying to think of, but you get my drift) to their mother and didn't want to upset her by accepting you in front of her when she was displaying her uncomfortableness.

With your brother's full acceptance, I would think at some future point he could take the kids out for ice cream or something and meet up with you gals, and there might not be a problem, since he is then their identifying force... Which assumes that SIL hasn't indoctrinated the kids with fear of those different than her ideal.

In any case, *hugs*

[agent_dani]

*hugs* Thanks. And sorry for taking so long to reply; I wanted to really read through your comment first.

I do think you're right, particularly for my nephew. I can see in some of his actions that he likely wants to have a relationship with me but has his mother to deal with.

[cmcmck.livejournal.com]

Oh babe! HUGS

It was after a Christmas day many years ago that I finally walked away from the family home as I could no longer cope............

[agent_dani]

*HUGS* Thanks. More information via the afternoon visit with my parents today. There's really nothing I haven't already said, but it's a bit more toward definite.