Follow-up on the last post.
Dec. 20th, 2011 10:02 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
agent_daniI want to begin this by saying that this isn't as the result of anything any one person has said, and I do very much appreciate what y'all have stated in your responses.
I, personally, am not comfortable directing a certain class of negatives toward that woman, and that is, in part, why I have not (and I will not) said who it was. It's also why a remark I considered at the time about how she was communicating remained unsaid - it was clear it would only provoke fighting and pain for her so I could see no value in saying it (and I do, though, believe that the point would help her with being gendered as female as appears to be her desire.) I'm inclined to see her as someone who is hurting and the source of much of that pain is likely internalized views about trans bodies, i.e. ultimately about her own body. I hope the woman who made those comments is able to have the validation, self/body-image, and life she seeks, and if those surgeries are what it takes for her to have that then so be it.
In the past I had a lot to do with trans* communities (and, even so, I'm still not sure how to define that term.) I've seen a lot of people hurting who lash out, sometimes from that pain. I got out of those communities because I realized that was happening to me - I was internalizing much and it was harming me. I had to get out of that to successfully deal with my transition and, more importantly, life beyond. So, too, was it why I stopped dealing with my therapist a year ago.
I, personally, am not comfortable directing a certain class of negatives toward that woman, and that is, in part, why I have not (and I will not) said who it was. It's also why a remark I considered at the time about how she was communicating remained unsaid - it was clear it would only provoke fighting and pain for her so I could see no value in saying it (and I do, though, believe that the point would help her with being gendered as female as appears to be her desire.) I'm inclined to see her as someone who is hurting and the source of much of that pain is likely internalized views about trans bodies, i.e. ultimately about her own body. I hope the woman who made those comments is able to have the validation, self/body-image, and life she seeks, and if those surgeries are what it takes for her to have that then so be it.
In the past I had a lot to do with trans* communities (and, even so, I'm still not sure how to define that term.) I've seen a lot of people hurting who lash out, sometimes from that pain. I got out of those communities because I realized that was happening to me - I was internalizing much and it was harming me. I had to get out of that to successfully deal with my transition and, more importantly, life beyond. So, too, was it why I stopped dealing with my therapist a year ago.
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no subject
Date: 2011-12-21 02:15 pm (UTC)I can understand that. I have similar internalised body image issues, though it's fat-body shit rather than trans-body shit*. I don't think the woman who wrote that to you was a horrible person, but someone who did and said a horrible thing due to lashing out in pain.
I am still in awe of your strength and generosity of heart, reacting to a remark that seems so hurtful with empathy and kindness. I will be proud if I'm ever half the woman you are, Dani.
*Obviously they're not at all equivalent, and the dynamic in fat-acceptance comms is very different from the way you've described the dynamic in trans comms, but I have also had that realisation of "This is not a healthy place for me psychologically. ALT-F4."
no subject
Date: 2011-12-22 04:27 am (UTC)That's a very important realization to have and be able to have!
I will be proud if I'm ever half the woman you are, Dani.
*blush* Truth is, though, I am a deeply flawed woman. I'm just able to display one of my better facets here, mostly because I have learned in a very personal way where anger and hate can take me.