A little family news.

[agent_dani]

Today Dad relayed some news from my cousin (his niece.) To make this short, her husband will not have any contact with me and will not allow their son to do so, either. Dad characterized her view as "caught in the middle." Read between the lines on that one.

I'm okay with this and the only emotion I feel is minor relief at finally having an answer.

She and I never had much of a relationship. She's 10.5 years older than me and lived nearby. By the time I was old enough to begin having a relationship with her she was away at college and med school, and I was being assigned 10-12 hours per day of field work by Dad on his dairy farm. She developed a relationship with my brother because he was allowed to have free time. The few times we tried to have a relationship it was very clear that the only way it would happen was for me to be just like my brother - like the same movies, etc.

For the past decade, the only contact I've had with her has been when it happened that we both visited my parents for a holiday. There is no relationship there to lose, much less mourn a loss, and she was family only in the strict legal sense, not by a definition of family I would willingly use.

I have a life full of so many relationships I cherish - my wife, my family and in-laws, and my incredible friends. These matter; that does not.

Comments

[cmcmck.livejournal.com]

Oy! It sounds horrible familiar. I met my husband after everything else so his family aren't aware of my 'interesting' past and therefore I'm generally considered the best thing since sliced bread in my family by marriage :o)

Bisexual or genderqueer? I can't imagine what mine would make of it- they can't cope with my being straight!

[cmcmck.livejournal.com]

Friending btw if you don't mind? It seems daft to only talk to one half of a couple :o)

I notice we have Ellie (scattermoon) as a mutual friend.

[lietya.livejournal.com]

Er. I'm delighted to friend you and I was about to ask, but you'll still be talking to one half of a couple. :) I seem to have still been inadvertently misleading, because my wife is shashalnikya , not Dani! (Though I am good friends with Dani, and we do indeed also have Scattermoon in common.)

And meeting your husband afterward definitely does simplify things! No reason why his family *should* know details of your past from 30 years ago, even in the more typical scheme of things. It must be lovely to get them to treat you as the person they actually know, and have them adore you! I've been with Shash since we were both 17, which kind of makes the "family not knowing the past" thing impossible. There are a lot of situations where being able to start fresh is easier, I suspect.

[cmcmck.livejournal.com]

Confuzzled? That's me :o)

Back in the 70's going underground was by far the safest way!

[agent_dani]

My wife is windrdr.

[cmcmck.livejournal.com]

Hmm- I can see I have more friending to do here! :o)

[lietya.livejournal.com]

Not your fault! I was very unclear. :)

So I've heard/read. That had to be a truly terrifying time. (By contrast, Shash has had a remarkably easy time of it; our GP was immediately willing to do whatever she needed, the first endo she tried was knowledgeable and cooperative, her employer was totally supportive... we do live in a very LGB- and trans-friendly area, though.)

[cmcmck.livejournal.com]

I was lucky to meet a young Dr Russell Reid of whom it's possible you may have heard? I was also lucky to inherit a little cash at exactly the right time!

[lietya.livejournal.com]

I have heard of him - both are excellent strokes of luck!

[cmcmck.livejournal.com]

I often wonder what my Great Uncle Les (he was a Lancaster rear gunner in WW2) wuld have made of what I spent the money on! :o)

[lietya.livejournal.com]

He clearly loved you, so hopefully he would have been bemused but glad that you got to fulfill a dream. :)