The last two days.

On Monday my brother drove to Raleigh with his family (wife and two children.) He and his wife came over to our house after they had dinner with my parents. It was the first time I'd seen them since I transitioned. My brother clearly accepts me. My SIL not so much. She spoke little but her body language was positively verbose.

Yesterday we went over to my parents' place. In the end, I never spoke to my niece and nephew. They and my SIL pretty much stayed upstairs (it's a cape cod.) We left after dinner as it was simply too painful. Just before we left I told my mother and brother that I wasn't planning to visit again while they were there; that it wasn't that the door was closed - my door (and heart) remain open to them - but that I refused to take the enjoyment of a visit with their grandparents away from my niece and nephew. It was clear they are struggling now and that they were miserable.

I'd be lying if I said I was okay - my heart is broken and I hurt - but I'm taking the actions I am in the hopes that we - my family - can yet heal. I know letting my hurt and anger guide my actions would only ensure that cannot happen.