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Here's a thing
Dec. 19th, 2011 06:43 pmOne thing I've definitely done is pull back from trans* communities and this little exchange on FaceBook illustrates so much of why. I never directly interacted with the person who sent me these messages, but it was clearly because I responded on another person's post and the picture she references is the same one used here (at least on DW, LJ may not.)
I've noticed that trans* communities often spend time attacking their own for daring to not follow the One True Way, and this seems so much in line with that (I intentionally ended it by blocking the user before it could go that far.) I was impressed how hard she worked to stay on her message, repeatedly discounting my own experiences in what appears to me to be an effort to get me on the self-hatting trans woman train. It also sounds a bit much to me like the very message the FFS surgeons try hard to sell - that you won't ever be successful if you don't have our surgery!
Her:
Hi [my name], look into FFS (facial feminization surgery) FIRST, before SRS. It'll do wonders - along with speech pathology therapy - in helping you transition as a woman. Everyone sees your face and hears your voice, those are the two most important aspects of being successful. There are a lot of people who have had SRS but not FFS and still unfortunately look like men in drag. Plenty of examples of people who are attempting to transition while they still have a very masculine face, right here on this thread. If finances are an issue, look into FFS in Thailand. You'll really improve your chances of successful transitioning if you: 1) reshape your mandible (lower jaw) 2) feminize your lip shape 3) reshape your nose 4) have an eyelid lift and 5) have a brow lift. The quality of FFS in Thailand may be higher than that here in the US.
Me:
Honestly, I'm otherwise happy with my body at this point. I used to want FFS and BA but no longer do.
Her:
Good for you! The most important thing is to be happy in your own skin. Be aware, though, that you look like the man you are in your profile pic, like me and most men, you have a large, prominent jaw and heavy lower face and a large nose. No offense, but sometimes people don't realize how masculine they look in their pics. I also look male in my pic, I realize that.
Me:
Meh, I've not had problems from it socially.
Her:
Most people don't experience problems, people (especially women) are polite and understanding, I've never had a bad experience yet (knock on wood) but I know that truly passing and being accepted as a woman is a completely different ball of wax.
Me:
I have navigated enough of life post-transition (including matters like job interviews) to be comfortable with trusting my own judgement and experiences on this issue. I understand that it is more or less important to various people and has different impacts for different people. With that said, I am deeply uncomfortable with the direction this conversation has gone.
I've noticed that trans* communities often spend time attacking their own for daring to not follow the One True Way, and this seems so much in line with that (I intentionally ended it by blocking the user before it could go that far.) I was impressed how hard she worked to stay on her message, repeatedly discounting my own experiences in what appears to me to be an effort to get me on the self-hatting trans woman train. It also sounds a bit much to me like the very message the FFS surgeons try hard to sell - that you won't ever be successful if you don't have our surgery!
Her:
Hi [my name], look into FFS (facial feminization surgery) FIRST, before SRS. It'll do wonders - along with speech pathology therapy - in helping you transition as a woman. Everyone sees your face and hears your voice, those are the two most important aspects of being successful. There are a lot of people who have had SRS but not FFS and still unfortunately look like men in drag. Plenty of examples of people who are attempting to transition while they still have a very masculine face, right here on this thread. If finances are an issue, look into FFS in Thailand. You'll really improve your chances of successful transitioning if you: 1) reshape your mandible (lower jaw) 2) feminize your lip shape 3) reshape your nose 4) have an eyelid lift and 5) have a brow lift. The quality of FFS in Thailand may be higher than that here in the US.
Me:
Honestly, I'm otherwise happy with my body at this point. I used to want FFS and BA but no longer do.
Her:
Good for you! The most important thing is to be happy in your own skin. Be aware, though, that you look like the man you are in your profile pic, like me and most men, you have a large, prominent jaw and heavy lower face and a large nose. No offense, but sometimes people don't realize how masculine they look in their pics. I also look male in my pic, I realize that.
Me:
Meh, I've not had problems from it socially.
Her:
Most people don't experience problems, people (especially women) are polite and understanding, I've never had a bad experience yet (knock on wood) but I know that truly passing and being accepted as a woman is a completely different ball of wax.
Me:
I have navigated enough of life post-transition (including matters like job interviews) to be comfortable with trusting my own judgement and experiences on this issue. I understand that it is more or less important to various people and has different impacts for different people. With that said, I am deeply uncomfortable with the direction this conversation has gone.
