Transtion: ca. June 2008 - August 28, 2011

Tonight I signed some letters that are being sent to windrdr's relatives informing them that I have transitioned. This had been planned for earlier in the year but her mother requested we wait and we were trying to work with her; we forced the issue now as we will be visiting next month.

And with this I have a sense of closure and resigned relief that this three-plus year period of transition is over; that book's denouement is mostly penned and we're headed into the ever-after.

There really is only one thing left for me - surgery - and it's a considerable time away, and it's doesn't feel particularly significant. Before transition, when my view of transition was largely only that of the popular view (which is to say suffering heavily from a variety of issues that come from it being cis-directed and cis-concerned) the focus was surgery as the definition and validation (if such exists within the particular view; if frequently does not) of trans people's gender. It becomes the climax of the book.

Instead, I'm realizing it was about everything else. This isn't to say surgery is insignificant, but it is intensely personal. It will really only have significant and lasting effects for two people. I see it more like the optional afterword, added in a later addition in light of subsequent events. I have no doubt that part of why I see it in that way is that I considered myself non-op (that is, that surgery was not something I would have) for a long time. It isn't something everyone who transitions has and it is very important that it not be seen as a necessary part of transition.

For now, thanks for reading the book. We'll see how that afterword looks over the coming years.

Expanding on surgery.

I really glossed over the significance of surgery for myself in my last post and there was a reason for that which I feel merits its own post. Fairly early on in transition I was faced with a question: what if surgery is never within reach? I think it was my therapist who was the first to do so.

I came to realize this was a very real possibility, mostly for financial reasons. Not only do I need to have the funds to pay for the procedure and the related incidentals (travel, etc.) but I also need to have saved enough money to live on - to be able to pay a variety of expenses, including having enough for unplanned expenses - for at least portion of the time I'll be off as the only pay I'll have then is using up my accrued sick and vacation time, which will not likely be enough to cover the entire period.

It's not that I consider it impossible to reach, but I had to recognize the possibility that I may never be able to do so. And I needed to figure out how I would deal with that possibility - how to deal with life if I am never able to have the surgery I very much desire.