Transtion: ca. June 2008 - August 28, 2011

[agent_dani]

Tonight I signed some letters that are being sent to windrdr's relatives informing them that I have transitioned. This had been planned for earlier in the year but her mother requested we wait and we were trying to work with her; we forced the issue now as we will be visiting next month.

And with this I have a sense of closure and resigned relief that this three-plus year period of transition is over; that book's denouement is mostly penned and we're headed into the ever-after.

There really is only one thing left for me - surgery - and it's a considerable time away, and it's doesn't feel particularly significant. Before transition, when my view of transition was largely only that of the popular view (which is to say suffering heavily from a variety of issues that come from it being cis-directed and cis-concerned) the focus was surgery as the definition and validation (if such exists within the particular view; if frequently does not) of trans people's gender. It becomes the climax of the book.

Instead, I'm realizing it was about everything else. This isn't to say surgery is insignificant, but it is intensely personal. It will really only have significant and lasting effects for two people. I see it more like the optional afterword, added in a later addition in light of subsequent events. I have no doubt that part of why I see it in that way is that I considered myself non-op (that is, that surgery was not something I would have) for a long time. It isn't something everyone who transitions has and it is very important that it not be seen as a necessary part of transition.

For now, thanks for reading the book. We'll see how that afterword looks over the coming years.

Comments

[cmcmck.livejournal.com]

Surgery certainly isn't insignificant, but if you choose to have it (and I'm aware that, as you say, not everyone does) it is not and end, but a beginning :o)

[agent_dani]

"Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end." I see it as an end for particular reasons, perhaps chief among them is being done with dealing with this particular lot of damnable "professionals". There is also the fact that I lack any sense of certainty for financial reasons - residing in a place where the entirety of transition is classified as "cosmetic" is a major part of that.

[alicephilippa.livejournal.com]

For some of us surgery is a necessary part of transition. As not only is there dysphoria there is body dysmorphia too, and until the dysmorphia is fixed (by surgery) there will never be closure.

It is great that you find that it is the afterword to the book. Rather that it and necessary recovery being the final chapter. :D

[agent_dani]

I truly do get that and, however odd this may seem in light of the above, do partially feel that as well - that surgery is not optional for me and that it will provide closure, but a different sort.

For myself, this view largely came from the realities of transitioning where I live and that there is the possibility of never being able to finance surgery (and, particularly, not be able to have any guess as to when I might,) and a need I felt to find a way to deal with that. At this point, I'm hopeful it can happen by 40 as I originally wished* but I've had to accept it may not for reasons outside of my control. (ETA: and that not only might it not happen by 40 but that financing it may never be within my ability.)

* When I began transition in 2008, at 33, I set a goal to be done with transition by 40. I don't now see that as impossible but I don't give it high odds.

[bear-foot.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[lietya.livejournal.com]

First, it is absolutely amazing to see the "final chapter" of the journey for you; you so deserve it, and I'm happier than I'll ever be able to express for you.

Secondly, it's a damned good thing telling my relatives wasn't Shash's final step, or she'd never have finished transition. ;) You were exceptionally patient to wait for that last few months, too.

[phonemonkey.livejournal.com]

Before transition, when my view of transition was largely only that of the popular view (which is to say suffering heavily from a variety of issues that come from it being cis-directed and cis-concerned) the focus was surgery as the definition and validation (if such exists within the particular view; if frequently does not) of trans people's gender.

As well as simple transphobia and ignorance, I think that popular perception is a particularly blatant expression of society's obsession with the mighty penis. See also the idea that sex is not "real" unless someone's being penetrated with a penis, that female bisexuals are "really" straight and male bisexuals are "really" gay, etc. And by the same token, the only factor in the lives of trans people that is considered "real" is what's between the legs.