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Yet some further thinking.
Apr. 20th, 2011 10:28 amI’m still thinking much about what I said the other day. So far I’ve gotten as far as picking apart a few things that I saw as under the umbrella of “fear” that it’s clear others do not. I’m not really sure I agree that they’re such clear and distinct concepts, mostly because I have a hard time seeing them as inherently separate, but I’m going to try to keep then separated here for the sake of clarity.
Wariness is one term, and not trusting is another phrase for my default stance about men. There are certainly men I trust and am not wary of, and it’s pretty simple for me to do so, but it’s not quick. The men I trust are ones I have known for considerable lengths of time and they have consistently shown themselves to be trustworthy. That isn’t to say they never slip, of course, but it is seldom and I clearly see, though their other behaviors, that they are genuinely good.
What it usually comes down to are the “microaggressions.” This is where I see what is often claimed as “just talking big” actually translating into action. Few are doing the major things but I see a very large number doing the small ones which I see as clearly influenced by that “talk.” Often, I’m not even sure they’re consciously aware of it when they take such actions. Intent, however, is often outside of my concern, not because I think it does not matter (to the contrary, I believe it important to acknowledge and address to solve the problems,) but because most of my interactions with men are never going to reach the level where it is material - I’m never going to have an involved relationship with a man. The point here is that I see the ways those thoughts influence a variety of actions, including actions that would otherwise be easily dismissed as innocent.
For years I received these “lessons,” sometimes with a direct message that I was entitled to women’s time and attention because something simple supposedly meant something far more (and, yes, returning a smile was one of them; supposedly signaled interest in more contact.) I hated it at the the time but now I see it as valuable because I’m armed with information and can help avoid some situations with which I don’t want to deal.
An unexpected bonus for my previous post was flushing out a few MRA-types who were connected to me in various places. That’s one thing for which I immediately block people. A few surprised me that they were.
Wariness is one term, and not trusting is another phrase for my default stance about men. There are certainly men I trust and am not wary of, and it’s pretty simple for me to do so, but it’s not quick. The men I trust are ones I have known for considerable lengths of time and they have consistently shown themselves to be trustworthy. That isn’t to say they never slip, of course, but it is seldom and I clearly see, though their other behaviors, that they are genuinely good.
What it usually comes down to are the “microaggressions.” This is where I see what is often claimed as “just talking big” actually translating into action. Few are doing the major things but I see a very large number doing the small ones which I see as clearly influenced by that “talk.” Often, I’m not even sure they’re consciously aware of it when they take such actions. Intent, however, is often outside of my concern, not because I think it does not matter (to the contrary, I believe it important to acknowledge and address to solve the problems,) but because most of my interactions with men are never going to reach the level where it is material - I’m never going to have an involved relationship with a man. The point here is that I see the ways those thoughts influence a variety of actions, including actions that would otherwise be easily dismissed as innocent.
For years I received these “lessons,” sometimes with a direct message that I was entitled to women’s time and attention because something simple supposedly meant something far more (and, yes, returning a smile was one of them; supposedly signaled interest in more contact.) I hated it at the the time but now I see it as valuable because I’m armed with information and can help avoid some situations with which I don’t want to deal.
An unexpected bonus for my previous post was flushing out a few MRA-types who were connected to me in various places. That’s one thing for which I immediately block people. A few surprised me that they were.
