More thoughts.

One friend suggested that "wary" might be a better term. Indeed it might. I haven't really thought about the distinction yet. To me both mean I'm going to have my guard up and be very careful about my own language, both spoken and body.

Another has suggested that the fear (or wariness) might give me the place I need to heal from the years of that pain.

The truth of that pain is that, no matter what comes of it, I do need my own time and place to heal. It is both very old and young, including multiple incidents that are as old as my school days and as recent two weeks ago (from my own coworkers.) Though, as of when I informed them that I was transitioning two weeks ago, those office conversations in my presence have completely stopped, replaced by (unnatural) silence. I'm doing what I can to be employed elsewhere before what happened to L happens to me.

Oh, the difference...

Before the game tonight I picked-up a prescription. I'm loving my new endo every the much more!

Thats 48 patches, which is 12 weeks at my current dose (two patches at a time, both changed twice weekly.) My previous endo was only willing to prescribe me just over half of that dose, which was barely effective and left me in horrible emotional states. Since self-increasing my dose to 0.20 a few weeks ago that crap is gone. I know that I couldn't have successfully handled social transition as I have if I was still suffering under the old dose.