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Another experience this week.
Apr. 16th, 2011 11:15 pmSome months ago, in a discussion with a friend was a brief exchange about her experiencing men seen in passing, e.g. when walking on th sidewalk, and having men smile at her. The point was that it meant she was clearly being gendered female.
On Friday, when walking back from a bank in a neighboring town, it happened to me. My reaction was very different from that discussion. I found it disturbing and my impulse was to get the hell out of there.
I've realize the reason is simple: I fear men.
I've only scratched the surface of analyzing this, but I have realized it's from so many experiences around men when they believed only other men were around and felt comfortable saying what they really thought of women. These experiences run from my youth until two weeks ago - yes, some are from coworkers, in fact they're some of the most disturbing.
I know what thoughts are often behind those smiles and I know that most support or agree (actively or tacitly) with those thoughts. How much easier it could be for me if I did not know those things.
On Friday, when walking back from a bank in a neighboring town, it happened to me. My reaction was very different from that discussion. I found it disturbing and my impulse was to get the hell out of there.
I've realize the reason is simple: I fear men.
I've only scratched the surface of analyzing this, but I have realized it's from so many experiences around men when they believed only other men were around and felt comfortable saying what they really thought of women. These experiences run from my youth until two weeks ago - yes, some are from coworkers, in fact they're some of the most disturbing.
I know what thoughts are often behind those smiles and I know that most support or agree (actively or tacitly) with those thoughts. How much easier it could be for me if I did not know those things.
