Here's gatekeeping.

[agent_dani]

I've found that the concept I've had the most difficult time explaining to others, particularly cis people, is the one that has lead most of the battles I've had for transition, and its name is gatekeeping. This was the reason I loaned my parents my copy of "Whipping Girl" in an attempt to get them to understand.

I had it last year with my therapist and my now-former endocrinologist. I was having serious issues with my endo that resulted in her refusing to give me proper treatment. I did my homework and found another in the area who was good - well regarded, experienced, etc. I needed a referral to get scheduled with her so I went to my therapist and told her all of this. She refused, giving reasons that I knew to be false.

Sunday evening I came into some information which, when combined with this experience, made me realize that she might attempt to similarly railroad my choice of surgeon for SRS. She has strong opinions about surgeons, and I'm not just talking against the hack ones, and it's not at all difficult for me to see her refusing to write a surgery letter for me if I want to go to a surgeon whom she does not approve.

I was able to work around the endocrinologist issue by using my GP to refer me since there was no requirement about who made the referral. But a surgery letter is a different matter. I'm changing therapists now for this reason: so that I do not find myself possibly having to cancel a scheduled surgery because she has refused.

Comments

[agent_dani]

I'm loving this chain of suggestions. My endo experience was pretty much like that until a couple weeks ago - start on the second smallest possible dose and increases in the smallest possible steps, changing doses only every 3-6 months...

I think it might have been possible to get to the dose I'm now on (which is about double what was prescribed to me by my former end when I last saw her earlier this year) but it probably would have taken another 2 years...and a hell of a lot of emotional aggravation crap.

[cmcmck.livejournal.com]

My pshrink, the estimable 'Uncle Russell' (Dr Russell Reid) that herself talks of above always started us on off on full dosage on the argument that it got rid of an awful lot of fantasists and time wasters- and he was right too! :o)

He could always tell a lot abot us on the _second_visit :o)

[agent_dani]

Quite right, I would imagine. While I'd have loved that approach I'm certain my wife wouldn't have - a very small part of the delays* were due to her being uncomfortable with the idea of me being on HRT yet, mostly based on misinformation she received via fora like Susan's Place.

Three years on, having finally reached what stands a good chance of being my final pre-op dose, I'm in a good place. For me, the biggest (and best) changes have been mental/emotional.

* At the therapy session that marked the end of three months my therapist said she was prepared to refer me. My wife dug in her heels then and agreed to allow it two months later. What she wanted was something nobody could offer - guarantees of what, in detail and timeline, HRT would and wouldn't be/do.