![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
And now we wait...
Mar. 22nd, 2024 10:00 pmI sent the new patient paperwork to a plastic surgeon about breast augmentation (primary) and rhinoplasty.
Intellectually I know this is going to be fine. I know the risks and both are surgeries that I badly want; that I have desired for around 40 years and actively taking steps to make happen for 30. The issues of being unaware of risks and completely unprepared to deal with them happening in my life that happened with vaginoplasty won't happen with this; there are not endocrinologists and therapists telling me lies that discount risks to persuade me to have surgery that they have decided I need despite my words about my risk acceptance level being a very obvious red flag. I don't need letters for this surgeon so that gatekeeping is impossible.
There is a small but legitimate fear that my PCP will react badly and my access to HRT threatened but if that happens I do have options so the impact should be negligible at worst.
Emotionally, though...
Emotionally I'm expecting every barrier imaginable and probably some novel ones because that was the case for every step I took - there were always "for anyone else we would give the green light but we need to make extra special sure for you" then weeks to years of delays. There was always punishment for me seizing the power and pushing through the barriers despite (because?) I was more successful than those people wanted me to be. There was always punitive actions after I gave in and complied with the requirements to punish me for having ever resisted their demands and my recoveries were made horrifically difficult.
Emotionally I'm expecting all of that to happen again because I have never gained access to transition healthcare without those needless measures being included.
At least I now have tools for dealing with this. Being diagnosed with cPTSD last year has helped a lot because for finally having a definitive statement that there are reasons for this and it isn't just me making things up out of thin air.
Intellectually I know this is going to be fine. I know the risks and both are surgeries that I badly want; that I have desired for around 40 years and actively taking steps to make happen for 30. The issues of being unaware of risks and completely unprepared to deal with them happening in my life that happened with vaginoplasty won't happen with this; there are not endocrinologists and therapists telling me lies that discount risks to persuade me to have surgery that they have decided I need despite my words about my risk acceptance level being a very obvious red flag. I don't need letters for this surgeon so that gatekeeping is impossible.
There is a small but legitimate fear that my PCP will react badly and my access to HRT threatened but if that happens I do have options so the impact should be negligible at worst.
Emotionally, though...
Emotionally I'm expecting every barrier imaginable and probably some novel ones because that was the case for every step I took - there were always "for anyone else we would give the green light but we need to make extra special sure for you" then weeks to years of delays. There was always punishment for me seizing the power and pushing through the barriers despite (because?) I was more successful than those people wanted me to be. There was always punitive actions after I gave in and complied with the requirements to punish me for having ever resisted their demands and my recoveries were made horrifically difficult.
Emotionally I'm expecting all of that to happen again because I have never gained access to transition healthcare without those needless measures being included.
At least I now have tools for dealing with this. Being diagnosed with cPTSD last year has helped a lot because for finally having a definitive statement that there are reasons for this and it isn't just me making things up out of thin air.
