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Having walked through the doorway.
Apr. 8th, 2011 11:05 pmA few hours ago, about 15:20 EDT on Friday, 8-APR-2011, I walked out of work as Him for the last time. This was the last place where I was socially that person anymore. This evening we went through many of the effects of His life - what to keep, what to donate, what to throw away. This struck me with emotions I hadn't anticipated. Thanks to some wonderful friends I realize it is a grieving process; even thought it's a transition I wanted and worked for years to realize, that's still there.
On Wednesday I told my coworkers that I'm transitioning and, as of this coming Monday, this will be in effect at work. That day I had three meetings. The first was with my immediate coworkers. My management chain (immediate supervisor, his manager, and the next level up, which is a C-level) and three HR people (two located in my division, one a senior manager, and one from campus HR) were also present. My manager spoke briefly, saying little beyond that I had an announcement. I read the speech I'd prepared, which is about 2.5 minutes, then departed the meeting. Management and HR then made some statements, which included a handout with a bunch of terms and definitions for clarity and the relevant portions of the university's non-discrimination and anti-harassment policies, to which they made a point to draw attention.
The second meeting was like the first, except it was with the sub-division that contains my department; probably 30 people, and the CTO was the one to speak first. The third meeting was with a customer department and was handled a little differently (less HR and management.)
After the second meeting, and e-mail was sent to the distribution list of employees in my building that consisted of just one paragraph notifying that an employee was transitioning from male to female, would be using the women's restrooms, etc. It was very generic and did not at all state who this employee was. That the third hadn't happened yet was not considered an issue as those employees are in another building.
I want to be very clear on a point: I do not think it remotely cowardly to take other approaches to this that don't involve being present, nor do I think anything less of those who take that option; it is a perfectly valid and serviceable choice, and is one I came very close to taking myself. That I was present and read my piece was my own choice, one I made because I felt it best fit me and how I wanted to approach this. Several of my coworkers have expressed appreciation that I did and I'm told (by some managers who were present at the larger meeting) that there was a sense of respect for my courage in saying that in person.
I have sanitized what I said and made it available here. Feel free to use and modify as you see fit, including add to sample letters as are available on some sites. I drafted this using the guide at tsroadmap and with intentional effort to make it my own.
Three years ago I was making a job change that involved moving several states away. It was the first time I had done anything of the sort. I was nervous and I found Semisonic "Closing Time" significant. Today, again, I feel the same..."Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end."
There are some transition matters still ahead for me, i.e. I can't get my identification documents such as driver's license updated until next month for unrelated reasons, but so much of it is behind me now. This is a beginning and, in so many ways, the beginning in mid-2008 that started this journey has ended today. I've ceased to be "the permatemp of gender" as a dear friend put it some years ago, and I really need to move on with my life. That which I saw as "in the future" has become "starting today."
I'll still be posting here, probably about as (in)frequently as ever, but I expect for my entries to be increasingly about the sort of things they were until the summer of 2008 - the other parts of my life. You're welcome to come along for what's ahead and I thank you for being with me for this chapter; every one of you has brought some sort of value to my life and, for that, I thank you.
On Wednesday I told my coworkers that I'm transitioning and, as of this coming Monday, this will be in effect at work. That day I had three meetings. The first was with my immediate coworkers. My management chain (immediate supervisor, his manager, and the next level up, which is a C-level) and three HR people (two located in my division, one a senior manager, and one from campus HR) were also present. My manager spoke briefly, saying little beyond that I had an announcement. I read the speech I'd prepared, which is about 2.5 minutes, then departed the meeting. Management and HR then made some statements, which included a handout with a bunch of terms and definitions for clarity and the relevant portions of the university's non-discrimination and anti-harassment policies, to which they made a point to draw attention.
The second meeting was like the first, except it was with the sub-division that contains my department; probably 30 people, and the CTO was the one to speak first. The third meeting was with a customer department and was handled a little differently (less HR and management.)
After the second meeting, and e-mail was sent to the distribution list of employees in my building that consisted of just one paragraph notifying that an employee was transitioning from male to female, would be using the women's restrooms, etc. It was very generic and did not at all state who this employee was. That the third hadn't happened yet was not considered an issue as those employees are in another building.
I want to be very clear on a point: I do not think it remotely cowardly to take other approaches to this that don't involve being present, nor do I think anything less of those who take that option; it is a perfectly valid and serviceable choice, and is one I came very close to taking myself. That I was present and read my piece was my own choice, one I made because I felt it best fit me and how I wanted to approach this. Several of my coworkers have expressed appreciation that I did and I'm told (by some managers who were present at the larger meeting) that there was a sense of respect for my courage in saying that in person.
I have sanitized what I said and made it available here. Feel free to use and modify as you see fit, including add to sample letters as are available on some sites. I drafted this using the guide at tsroadmap and with intentional effort to make it my own.
Three years ago I was making a job change that involved moving several states away. It was the first time I had done anything of the sort. I was nervous and I found Semisonic "Closing Time" significant. Today, again, I feel the same..."Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end."
There are some transition matters still ahead for me, i.e. I can't get my identification documents such as driver's license updated until next month for unrelated reasons, but so much of it is behind me now. This is a beginning and, in so many ways, the beginning in mid-2008 that started this journey has ended today. I've ceased to be "the permatemp of gender" as a dear friend put it some years ago, and I really need to move on with my life. That which I saw as "in the future" has become "starting today."
I'll still be posting here, probably about as (in)frequently as ever, but I expect for my entries to be increasingly about the sort of things they were until the summer of 2008 - the other parts of my life. You're welcome to come along for what's ahead and I thank you for being with me for this chapter; every one of you has brought some sort of value to my life and, for that, I thank you.
