Why I love QT (an ongoing series)

Part of my morning routine is usually a glance over Google Reader (typically on my mobile so I can take advantage of "wait-states".) This morning, Questioning Transphobia had a new post, written by little light, that caught my eye due to the title, which was a bit of misdirection for me as such are too often the subject used for bad news.

I love this post. It speaks of things that kept me in denial for so long. It speaks of risks I had to consider, accept as possible and then move forward.

I had to accept the possibility that windrdr could leave when I told her in the summer of 2008. I had to accept the possibility that my parents could decide they would have no contact with me when I told them a month ago. I had to accept that, as I told windrdr this past Sunday, the result of my meetings with management and HR on Monday could have been that I no longer had a job. I had to accept that the letters to the rest of my family, which are currently in transit, could lead to the end of any relationship with them.

I'd also like to add that some of this applies to windrdr. In standing with me she had to accept that she could lose relationships with her family in the same way, and in some ways that wouldn't have happened to me - being asked to make a choice between them and me. I don't know how many of you have had to consider the possibility of either you or your SO being told by their family, "you're welcome to visit, but not with them." It is a discussion she and I have had, and we both agreed that we saw anyone asking us to make such a choice as a grave offense and would have a profoundly negative effect on that relationship.

Also, this QT post is a more full realization of something I included in what I said to my parents and in each letter I have sent, "I want to be able to continue to have a relationship with you and to share our time and joys while being true to myself."

I'd love to say we each faced this without fear, nervousness, or anxiety. I won't speak for windrdr but I certainly was feeling those emotions and more each time I took one of these steps. I waited for a lull in conversation with my parents, a part of me hopeful one didn't come so I could avoid the task. I paced the corridor at work before my meeting, a voice in my mind suggesting canceling it and never speaking of it again. I hesitated before placing the letters in the post box as I walked to the car Wednesday morning. But, in the end, I realize it's still true: I acted not for freedom of fear and worry but in spite of it.