Anniversaries.

[agent_dani]

Today is the 2 year anniversary of the end of my marriage. Two days ago I reached the point where I could say this: Dear ex-wife; I forgive you.

It's been a long road to that. That she can no longer and never again will be able to hurt me is a big part of it.

I'm back to spinning in a big way. My roommate noticed a few days ago that I'd been spinning more than she ever saw. She first met me in early 2017 and we lived in the same house since June. It's true - I stopped when my divorce began and only now got my groove back.

Comments

[agent_dani]

I couldn't for a very long time for a number of reasons and my parents were part of it. They subscribed to that Christian "forgive and forget" notion, and a specific one that meant both that it meant acting as if it had never happened and that forgiveness had to be given because the other party apologized. This is, of course, ripe for abusive purposes since it denies the victim any right to consider history of repeat infractions or related ones and demands that all apologies automatically be taken as genuine.

It took getting to a place where I saw forgiving as giving myself permission to let go of my own hurt and anger, and a definition of forgiveness that didn't mean I had to allow them back into my life.