Sharp Dressed Dyke (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
agent_dani) wrote2011-12-19 06:43 pm
agent_dani) wrote2011-12-19 06:43 pm
Here's a thing
One thing I've definitely done is pull back from trans* communities and this little exchange on FaceBook illustrates so much of why. I never directly interacted with the person who sent me these messages, but it was clearly because I responded on another person's post and the picture she references is the same one used here (at least on DW, LJ may not.)
I've noticed that trans* communities often spend time attacking their own for daring to not follow the One True Way, and this seems so much in line with that (I intentionally ended it by blocking the user before it could go that far.) I was impressed how hard she worked to stay on her message, repeatedly discounting my own experiences in what appears to me to be an effort to get me on the self-hatting trans woman train. It also sounds a bit much to me like the very message the FFS surgeons try hard to sell - that you won't ever be successful if you don't have our surgery!
Her:
Hi [my name], look into FFS (facial feminization surgery) FIRST, before SRS. It'll do wonders - along with speech pathology therapy - in helping you transition as a woman. Everyone sees your face and hears your voice, those are the two most important aspects of being successful. There are a lot of people who have had SRS but not FFS and still unfortunately look like men in drag. Plenty of examples of people who are attempting to transition while they still have a very masculine face, right here on this thread. If finances are an issue, look into FFS in Thailand. You'll really improve your chances of successful transitioning if you: 1) reshape your mandible (lower jaw) 2) feminize your lip shape 3) reshape your nose 4) have an eyelid lift and 5) have a brow lift. The quality of FFS in Thailand may be higher than that here in the US.
Me:
Honestly, I'm otherwise happy with my body at this point. I used to want FFS and BA but no longer do.
Her:
Good for you! The most important thing is to be happy in your own skin. Be aware, though, that you look like the man you are in your profile pic, like me and most men, you have a large, prominent jaw and heavy lower face and a large nose. No offense, but sometimes people don't realize how masculine they look in their pics. I also look male in my pic, I realize that.
Me:
Meh, I've not had problems from it socially.
Her:
Most people don't experience problems, people (especially women) are polite and understanding, I've never had a bad experience yet (knock on wood) but I know that truly passing and being accepted as a woman is a completely different ball of wax.
Me:
I have navigated enough of life post-transition (including matters like job interviews) to be comfortable with trusting my own judgement and experiences on this issue. I understand that it is more or less important to various people and has different impacts for different people. With that said, I am deeply uncomfortable with the direction this conversation has gone.
I've noticed that trans* communities often spend time attacking their own for daring to not follow the One True Way, and this seems so much in line with that (I intentionally ended it by blocking the user before it could go that far.) I was impressed how hard she worked to stay on her message, repeatedly discounting my own experiences in what appears to me to be an effort to get me on the self-hatting trans woman train. It also sounds a bit much to me like the very message the FFS surgeons try hard to sell - that you won't ever be successful if you don't have our surgery!
Her:
Hi [my name], look into FFS (facial feminization surgery) FIRST, before SRS. It'll do wonders - along with speech pathology therapy - in helping you transition as a woman. Everyone sees your face and hears your voice, those are the two most important aspects of being successful. There are a lot of people who have had SRS but not FFS and still unfortunately look like men in drag. Plenty of examples of people who are attempting to transition while they still have a very masculine face, right here on this thread. If finances are an issue, look into FFS in Thailand. You'll really improve your chances of successful transitioning if you: 1) reshape your mandible (lower jaw) 2) feminize your lip shape 3) reshape your nose 4) have an eyelid lift and 5) have a brow lift. The quality of FFS in Thailand may be higher than that here in the US.
Me:
Honestly, I'm otherwise happy with my body at this point. I used to want FFS and BA but no longer do.
Her:
Good for you! The most important thing is to be happy in your own skin. Be aware, though, that you look like the man you are in your profile pic, like me and most men, you have a large, prominent jaw and heavy lower face and a large nose. No offense, but sometimes people don't realize how masculine they look in their pics. I also look male in my pic, I realize that.
Me:
Meh, I've not had problems from it socially.
Her:
Most people don't experience problems, people (especially women) are polite and understanding, I've never had a bad experience yet (knock on wood) but I know that truly passing and being accepted as a woman is a completely different ball of wax.
Me:
I have navigated enough of life post-transition (including matters like job interviews) to be comfortable with trusting my own judgement and experiences on this issue. I understand that it is more or less important to various people and has different impacts for different people. With that said, I am deeply uncomfortable with the direction this conversation has gone.
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Also, and this doesn't matter one whit which you well know, but seriously if I didn't know from conversations that you were transitioning I certainly wouldn't have guessed or thought you look "like a man in drag." So aside from being very policey, this person is LYING to state that as if it is a fact instead of as their own very biased personal opinion. >:[
DISPLEASURE! Hugs for you, if hugs are welcome.
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She only said one thing in the whole exchange that applies to everyone — "the most important thing is to be happy in your own skin". The rest is her personal hang ups and as such have no validity when applied to anyone else.
As for "man in drag" not a chance. She need to take her OTW ideas and shove them where the sun don't shine.
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(Sorry, having trouble coming up with a coherent response that doesn't involve WTF. Not only are you lovely [and I've met you in person, so even giving her the maximum benefit of the doubt and assuming that picture didn't do you justice, there's no question but that it's not remotely true when you're animated and engaged and just gorgeous], but why the HELL would she refer more than once to both you and she being "men"?)
Honestly, I now agree with those who says she sounds not only offensive but like a hard-sell salesman. To the point where I genuinely wonder if she's trans at all, or just undercover; while that's probably not true, the fact that she's giving that impression ain't helping her cause much.
SHEESH.
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And what Alice said about being happy in your own skin :o)
You are you and these other folks are them (and they need to remember that too- when they do, they'll have learned an important lesson :o)
Hugs to you both and have a good holiday :o)
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But I'm like that. :O)
You being comfortable in your own skin is the most important thing, as you well know!
Me thinks she doth protest too much.